When will George Lucas stop fisting me...??? An open letter to all..., February 19, 2009
| By | JONATHAN MANKUTA (Hollywood, CA United States) - See all my reviews |
The original Star Wars trilogy as seen in it's original theatrical release, in the best possible format technology will allow: BLU-RAY. That's it.
That means:
1- Take the original three films (SW, Empire, Jedi), do NOT change the story at all...don't add in new footage, cut old footage, change any story elements...don't make Greedo shoot first, Luke scream, Yoda dress in drag, Threepio with a gold metal boner, Jawas dancing around a campfire as they cook s'mores, Wampa enhancements, CGI-ing a Colt-45 bottle into Lando's hand, putting Jabba's fat sister in the same sexy outfit as Slave Leia, or ANYTHING other than what folks actually saw in the theatres the first time the films were released...
2- Take as clean-image print of the original films you can find and transfer it over to 1080P.
3- Take the sound and adjust it over to as high-def a format as you can without adding anything new, altering anything, etc, just mix it to sound as good as your studios can possibly get it to sound in my home theatre...ah ah ah...George...I see you starting to add new Ewok songs...stop right there and just do as I say...
4- Now add an extra disk in each package for bonus features such as "making of" documentary, director and actor's commentary, special effects features, and all the other material we buy on dvds from bootleggers at Comic-Con because you don't release them officially...
5- Release them NOW...not when my great grandchildren are having great grandchildren...I know you plan to release a different variation of the original Star Wars trilogy every 2 years and STILL never want to give the fans what they actually want (see #1-4 above), and plan to use your special effects team to turn your aging human body into a cyborg-hybrid-clone so you can live for 200 years or more all while you pull the same cruel tease to your fans every 2 years...but just this once George...JUST...THIS...ONCE...remove your fist from my rectum (is my prostate okay?), and do the right thing...give the fans the ONE version of the trilogy that they want to buy...
...and if you do this for us, we'll cancel our plans for the geek-raid on Skywalker Ranch in Star Wars costumes that we have planned...and we're not going to bathe before the raid George...just imagine...500,000 pimple-faced-overweight-unbathed nerds walking around your property in stormtrooper armor and ewok suits...it'll be just like Comic-Con...
So please do the right thing for us just this once George...the fans will thank you, Amazon will thank you, and in one fell swoop, you'll be helping the nation's sagging economy with a sudden massive influx of consumer cash that will suddenly be spent...Obama will thank you too...
thanks,
JONATHAN MANKUTA (TV/Film actor, voiceover artist, producer, comic geek)
No comments:
Post a Comment